just a gathering of broken people who long for who first formed them

I think C.S. Lewis had a gift from God, a gift so strong that Christian professionals in English writing feel compelled to their knees to pray for this gift for future generations and dedicate their life to that effort, to have more powerful Christian writers. I had a college professor like this in college and I took her course on C.S. Lewis And The Inklings. I'm no expert but I was fascinated by studying him. The weird thing about him, I think, is that he wrote for the radio, things that turned into some of our greatest apologetic works, but he also wrote sci-fi, and children's fiction, he seemed all over the board! But I grew to love what it seems I could see inside C.S. Lewis, not him really but what God was doing, even knowing some of his personal short-comings, I grew to love and appreciate all his works. Even though I never found a love for sci-fi, I love his sci-fi trilogy. I even read J.R.R. Tolkien differently because I know they were friends that met regularly, read each others work and talked about God. I can appreciate what God was doing with them, as broken vessels like you and me.

Sometimes being in church, observing the people around me, getting to personally interact with many of them, getting to know them over time and growing to love each of them, even just one or two at a time, is like smelling a deep meaningful aroma, for me, like the smell an old book.

I've never seen or held an author's original manuscripts but I can imagine how close I would feel to the author just holding their raw creation.

There's something beautiful about being present with other people. The opposite, being by myself and choosing isolation (in it's many forms) is like hearing and reading a lot about the greatest author of all times but never reading any of His work. I can't contemplate the beauty of God without loving the church (just a gathering of broken people who long for who first formed them). This beauty compels me to kick all my introvert tendencies, weak attempts at perfectionism and pride to the side and dive deep into my awkward socials skills to embrace ALL of God's creation. We've been in circulation for a while, we tried to update our editions but the original work is too strong to bury when we remember the Author.

Something greater than this.

Here I go again, I think I'm actually going to put some of these thoughts out there. Today I beg for greater a truth. I know you do too. Whether through physical impairments, emotional impairments, and any other mix of all the kinds of impairments this life brings, for us and for those we love most dearly.

For those whose spirit, heart and mind leave us no rest from begging for a greater truth.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

"God is love."
Do I really need to site the reference in the bible for this?
The spirit says it...
...the body, the mind and maybe the heart in unison respond...

"Um...what?"

"Whatever."

"Sure, if you say so, but I don't get it."

Or maybe, "Prove it."

If we ask ourselves about this love do we sense the resounding beauty of the Northern Lights or a child's laughter?
Or do we see a natural disaster that's wiped out cities with one swoop.

I know we could draw comparisons closer to home, regarding each of our own struggles in comparison to the great beauty in the children and nature closest to us.
But that seems too bold, even for as bold as I already feel I am being.

How in the world do we reconcile such opposites?
How in the world?
Maybe we can't in this world.

But how helpful is that for us now?!!!

Truly His love doesn't mean to leave us hopeless for now!

...I get a feeling that we just don't know the half of it...

Part of me, sometimes most of me, doesn't know how to hold on...
...but there's that part, however big or small that knows better than the rest of me...

...that may the the only sliver of myself still hanging on.
...is it even part of me? or something else?

...whatever it is...
...something tells me that's my mustard seed...

Who knows how long it takes for the flippin' mountain to move?!!!

...but maybe the biggest mountain is the rest of me...

...and maybe the only moving I need to be making is closer to him in that small inner area that still believes...

...that part of me that might still have childlike faith...

Faith that says, "I don't need to understand gravity or centripetal force or aerodynamics...
DADDY I JUST WANNA FLY!"

This old stiff self I've slid into won't look up with eyes of wonder anymore...
...or even consider raising my hands with expectations...
...but there's still a part deep down that wishes the rest of me would do just that...

I keep wanting to ask daddy to fly.

No answers. Just a continued longing.

Options

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I thank you that when everything seems awful and I pour my heart out to you, you draw me closer and I can grasp at a new option...

There's a place, on your lap, where I can cry and be totally accepted. And it seems that simultaneously you show me a better way.

I used to be sure that my tears were a great disappointment; surely they are evidence of the destruction I have walked into.
How can one be proven so unworthy and be given what is so undeserved all in the same moment? 

Although my state of destruction doesn't feel ready to leave it's sorrow I can choose you.
And say "yes" to you.
And you miraculously lead me into that better way.

I don't even notice where my despair has gone but it's not the same anymore.
Without my understanding you have taken me simply one step closer to you, to freedom from destruction.

I was JUST in a place that I would've sworn I was never going to get through, or be able to move on from... 

...except I didn't swear to that...
...I felt it, but chose you.
...I couldn't fathom it, but decided to said "yes" to you.

And surer than the sun rising and setting each day, you brought me into your better place for me.

Now that you've done it I recognize it; you've done this before.
There was a time I only read about this but was totally blind to it's realness.
I don't remember how it happened the first time for me, but now that you've done it again I see you more clearly in all of it, from start to finish...
...you are the author.

 May I continue to flow in this more and more and see you more clearly each time.
What a beautiful option.