Something greater than this.

Here I go again, I think I'm actually going to put some of these thoughts out there. Today I beg for greater a truth. I know you do too. Whether through physical impairments, emotional impairments, and any other mix of all the kinds of impairments this life brings, for us and for those we love most dearly.

For those whose spirit, heart and mind leave us no rest from begging for a greater truth.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

"God is love."
Do I really need to site the reference in the bible for this?
The spirit says it...
...the body, the mind and maybe the heart in unison respond...

"Um...what?"

"Whatever."

"Sure, if you say so, but I don't get it."

Or maybe, "Prove it."

If we ask ourselves about this love do we sense the resounding beauty of the Northern Lights or a child's laughter?
Or do we see a natural disaster that's wiped out cities with one swoop.

I know we could draw comparisons closer to home, regarding each of our own struggles in comparison to the great beauty in the children and nature closest to us.
But that seems too bold, even for as bold as I already feel I am being.

How in the world do we reconcile such opposites?
How in the world?
Maybe we can't in this world.

But how helpful is that for us now?!!!

Truly His love doesn't mean to leave us hopeless for now!

...I get a feeling that we just don't know the half of it...

Part of me, sometimes most of me, doesn't know how to hold on...
...but there's that part, however big or small that knows better than the rest of me...

...that may the the only sliver of myself still hanging on.
...is it even part of me? or something else?

...whatever it is...
...something tells me that's my mustard seed...

Who knows how long it takes for the flippin' mountain to move?!!!

...but maybe the biggest mountain is the rest of me...

...and maybe the only moving I need to be making is closer to him in that small inner area that still believes...

...that part of me that might still have childlike faith...

Faith that says, "I don't need to understand gravity or centripetal force or aerodynamics...
DADDY I JUST WANNA FLY!"

This old stiff self I've slid into won't look up with eyes of wonder anymore...
...or even consider raising my hands with expectations...
...but there's still a part deep down that wishes the rest of me would do just that...

I keep wanting to ask daddy to fly.

No answers. Just a continued longing.

Options

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I thank you that when everything seems awful and I pour my heart out to you, you draw me closer and I can grasp at a new option...

There's a place, on your lap, where I can cry and be totally accepted. And it seems that simultaneously you show me a better way.

I used to be sure that my tears were a great disappointment; surely they are evidence of the destruction I have walked into.
How can one be proven so unworthy and be given what is so undeserved all in the same moment? 

Although my state of destruction doesn't feel ready to leave it's sorrow I can choose you.
And say "yes" to you.
And you miraculously lead me into that better way.

I don't even notice where my despair has gone but it's not the same anymore.
Without my understanding you have taken me simply one step closer to you, to freedom from destruction.

I was JUST in a place that I would've sworn I was never going to get through, or be able to move on from... 

...except I didn't swear to that...
...I felt it, but chose you.
...I couldn't fathom it, but decided to said "yes" to you.

And surer than the sun rising and setting each day, you brought me into your better place for me.

Now that you've done it I recognize it; you've done this before.
There was a time I only read about this but was totally blind to it's realness.
I don't remember how it happened the first time for me, but now that you've done it again I see you more clearly in all of it, from start to finish...
...you are the author.

 May I continue to flow in this more and more and see you more clearly each time.
What a beautiful option.